


Love What's Gone

by LumosMaxima



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Cisgender, Complete, Consensual Sex, F/M, Het, Loss of Virginity, Masturbation, Mutual Masturbation, One Shot, Oral Sex, Prostitute OFC, Severus Snape Has a Heart, Smut, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:02:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23351380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LumosMaxima/pseuds/LumosMaxima
Summary: A young Severus Snape finds himself overwhelmed by grief after Lily's death, unable to let his love - and his physical desires - for her go. An establishment in Knockturn Alley offers a service that may be able to help with the latter. Wanting to put an end to his feelings, Severus avails himself of the services of a particular "working" lady.
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/Severus Snape, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not too concerned about checking everything against canon, so it may be better to consider this AU. This story was inspired by a thread at r/HarryPotter, in which someone posed the question: "Whom would you ship Severus with?"
> 
> Complete.

_I don't really think that I like this game  
_ _I don't think I understood all the rules  
_ _Do you just go on  
_ _And love what's gone_  
  
 _-Jim Infantino, "Love What's Gone"_

January 5, 1982

“ _Severus, have you ever been to the cinema?” Lily asked, tossing her hair aside and looking at him, her green eyes sparkling with excitement. “Seems like magical folk never do that kind of thing. We should go, you and me! I’ll find a good old spooky film. You’d love it. Getting lost in it, it’s just like magic, in a way. And sitting there in the dark next to your fella’s not so bad either.”_

_Lily looked at him coyly and slid her hand into his. It was warm and soft and it felt like it was meant to be there. He squeezed it and felt a surge of bravery as he turned to pull her close to him, and then…._

…Severus awoke to his darkened room, just as he had done every day since October. After that terrible Halloween night, he’d drawn the drapes tightly across the windows and then used a series of enchantments to block out all remaining light. He had just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever. He no longer cared about arbitrary things such as time or night or day. None of it mattered anymore.

She visited him in dreams often these days and he hated and loved those damned dreams in equal measure. It was like heaven to be in them and torture waking up from them. Lily was the only one he had ever truly loved, and she was gone. He had held out hope that it would all go wrong between her and that git husband of hers -- Potter. Potter had always been an overblown arse and maybe Lily would finally realize that, someday…. But now, "someday" would have no chance of happening.

He would have loved her and the baby. It wouldn’t have mattered that the baby wasn’t his. The baby was Lily’s, and anything Lily loved, he would love as well. 

He rubbed his eyes in the darkness. He had no idea what time it was because he’d stopped all the clocks after that October night. He’d come very close to finishing himself off in the days after her death. He was more than fair at potion-making and he could easily have brewed up any number of draughts that would have put him gently out of his misery. But he hadn’t done it. He was ashamed to admit that in his grief, the denial phase had been strong and he had believed for a time that a witch as clever as Lily had somehow managed to escape unharmed; that the lifeless body that he had held in his arms and sobbed over that night was just a decoy, a fabrication, and the real Lily would come back when she believed it was safe. He would be there waiting for her, no matter how long it took.

He knew all along that he was being stupid, and now he knew she was truly gone. She would have come back by now for the baby if she were still alive. 

And now, anything more than sleeping was simply too much effort.

As he slowly came into his senses, he acknowledged the reason he had been awakened: the basic need to use the toilet. Not only that, but the sensation had led to arousal, and he groaned as he rose from the bed and the fabric of his undergarments tightened across his groin.

He stumbled out of his room and into the corridor. His eyes immediately stung with the daylight that was filtering in from elsewhere in the house, and he squinted as he made his way into the bathroom and did his business…or attempted to, but his arousal seemed to be about more than answering nature’s call and was not easily abated. It was from that damned dream. Finally, after a lot of deep breaths and mentally reciting the list of magical properties of dragon vomit, things relaxed enough for him to empty his bladder. 

He finished, washed his hands and splashed some cold water on his face before padding back to his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed willing himself to go back to sleep, but it soon became apparent that certain physical needs were making themselves known. 

His mind flashed back to the dream and how soft her hand had felt. His cock twitched in his shorts as his brain immediately told him where it next wanted that hand to go. He put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

“FUCK!” Severus shouted, through gritted teeth. His voice sounded foreign in his ears, somehow. It had been the first word he’d said for a while. 

He lay back down in bed and curled into a ball, willing himself to just fall asleep again. But he couldn’t. There was an old familiar urge, deep down in the pit of his stomach, sending the blood toward his manhood. There would be no sleep until this was dealt with. 

He let out a sigh and rolled over onto his back, sliding his hand down the front of his shorts. He closed his eyes and immediately remembered the softness of Lily’s hand in that dream. 

_It’s her hand…hers._ His cock rapidly grew hard.

He squeezed gently and let out a softer sigh. Moisture had begun to escape from the tip already, so he brushed it with the palm of his hand and began to stroke himself, slowly.

“ _Oh, Severus…”_ Her voice was low and raspy in his ear. He remembered her coy look from the dream. 

_She’s lying here beside you. It’s Lily’s hand…._

He couldn’t stop the words escaping his lips: _Oh, Lily, don’t stop…._

Stroking faster now. Hips rocking, thighs clenching.

“ _Severus, it feels so good when you do that to me,”_ she moaned in his ear.

So close. 

_You have no idea how badly I wanted this for us, Lily._

“ _Me too, Severus, please, take me now!”_

Back arched. Eyes squeezed shut, heart racing, gasping for air. In his mind's eye, he had become one with her, her body soft and warm beneath him. Where he ended and she began was indistinguishable. He cried out her name and in his ear she did the same for him.

He felt the rush of release and sunk down into the mattress as he finished. His pulse throbbed in his ears, and he longed more than anything to have been able to feel Lily envelop him as she came to her own climax. He felt a pang in his heart and became sharply aware of the fact that the room was empty and he was alone. 

He felt absolutely pathetic at that moment. Lily was gone. You can't love what's gone. He wished he could convince himself of that. 


	2. Chapter 2

To add insult to injury, the urge in the pit of his stomach was still there.

His mind wandered to the aimless chatter of some young men he’d overheard ages ago, the last time he’d ventured out to the local pub:

“ _There’s this place in Knockturn I heard of. Mate of mine says he went once or twice. Witches of the night, if you catch my drift? They’ll do anything you want, long as yeh pay ‘em what they ask. Me mate says they even got potions you can drink, make yeh get up to all sorts. One potion even makes you think you’re with somebody else. Got a thing for a bird who ain’t interested? Drink the potion; it’ll be just like you got HER in yer bed rather than some old slapper!”_

There was, indeed, a place in Knockturn Alley, as Severus had found out. He’d made it a point to walk past the place whenever he went to Knockturn after that, but he couldn’t bring himself to go any further.

Now, as though the most basic of animal instincts were taking over, Severus felt himself leaving his bed, and going once again into the bathroom to have a shower and clean up. 

After that was done, he put on fresh clothes, pocketed every last knut he could find, and apparated to Knockturn Alley.

The sun had since gone down and Knockturn was only dimly lit by an occasional lantern and the glow of lights from windows. His feet carried him past the shops, past the dodgy street corners, and he found himself at the door of his destination. A flickering lantern hung over the door casting long shadows.

And then, he felt utterly stupid, because he had no idea what he was supposed to do next. It was a nondescript door, like the one to a residence. Was he meant to knock first? Or just go in? He was inwardly cursing himself for being the world’s most pathetic virgin when a woman emerged from the shadows at the corner of the building. She was wearing a cloak made of sheer material that seemed to accentuate every last curve of her body, which, Severus noticed, was not a bad thing. In the daylight, it would probably have been see-through. She was holding a cigarette. 

“Evenin’, love,” she said, taking a final drag on her cigarette before flicking it to the ground. She withdrew her wand from her sleeve and pointed it at the spent cigarette, making it disappear.

“…Evening,” Severus said, after a second.

As the woman approached the circle of dim light Severus was standing in, her features came into focus. She was older than him, probably around thirty, and though Severus wouldn’t have found her attractive on a normal day, she wasn’t ugly, either. She was roughly his height, and slender. She had a pretty, if pale, face framed by sleek, long, dark hair. Her dark eyes were made more so by the smoky make-up she’d applied around them.

She looked Severus up and down as she approached, and he noticed that she discreetly replaced her wand into her sleeve. “Something I can help you with tonight, darling?”

Severus’s first instinct was to flee, but his feet were rooted to the spot. _We’re doing this,_ his brain said, resolutely. _It’s time to move on._

And now, Severus felt himself turning bright red. He had absolutely no idea how to act or what to say.

Expertly, the woman walked to his side and slid her arm in his. “It’s all right, darling. Let’s go in and have a drink and a chat; just a drink between friends. All right?”

Severus nodded vigorously. The woman waved her hand in an arching motion and the door opened silently. She led the way and Severus stepped across the threshold, expecting to step into something resembling a cross between the Hogwarts dungeons and a broom closet.

Instead, he found himself in what was, by all appearances, a regular old sitting room in a regular old house. It was clean and softly lit, adorned with soft furniture and paintings on the walls. A drinks cart stood opposite the door.

The woman sauntered over to the cart and looked expectantly at Severus. “What’ll it be love? Firewhisky?”

Severus again nodded vigorously and remembered his money. He fumbled in his pocket for it as she poured the drink. 

“I’ve…I’ve got money, but…but not a whole lot, you see, so, I...I don’t want to….”

The woman didn’t even bat an eyelash as she graciously handed Severus his drink and motioned for him to sit. “Sweetheart, I’m not bothered one bit. We’ll talk about that later.”

He did as he was told and sat stiffly on the edge of the sofa cushion, taking a tentative sip of his drink. The woman poured herself a drink and sat next to him, keeping a respectable distance between them.

She extended a jeweled hand. “My name is Priscilla, and who might you be?”

Severus swallowed hard and took her hand in his, giving it a gentle shake and withdrawing. “Severus S---“ he thought better of saying his surname. “Severus,” he said.

“Pleasure to meet you, Severus,” Priscilla said, her smile seeming genuine. “Dark and handsome one, you are.” She gave him a wink and took a sip of her drink.

Severus took another sip of his own drink and looked at his feet. Priscilla moved closer and brushed her fingertips across his knee. She bent forward to look him in the eye, and spoke, softly. “First time, is it, darling?”

Severus nodded.

She seemed to be waiting for him to speak, but when he didn’t, she continued, her voice soft and seemingly genuinely friendly. “First time at a place like this, or--?”

“First time for _anything_ ,” Severus blurted. He was so grateful when Priscilla showed no reaction that he could have kissed her.

She inched a little closer to him, still maintaining some distance. She was very good at this, Severus thought. “S’all right, love. We all go at our own speed. But I’m glad you’re here.” She smiled again at him and took another sip of her drink.

“I don’t know about you, Severus,” she continued, “but I think you and I could have some fun together. What do you think?”

Severus nodded his head again and risked a small sideways glance at Priscilla. He felt himself relax when he saw that her face was still open and friendly.

Priscilla smiled and set her drink down, patting his hand and shifting so that she was facing him. “Talk to me, Severus. Tell me what you came here for.”

Severus took a large gulp of his drink and set it down beside hers. He needed courage, and he hoped the whisky would do it. No words seemed to be forming, however, and the seconds grew long.

Priscilla took his hand in hers. “There’s absolutely nothing you can say that will shock me. Trust me.”

The words came spilling out. “I loved this girl, er, well, now she’s a woman, er, she was a woman. Now she’s gone. But I’ve loved her for ages. She’s gone. She met and married another bloke, and now she’s gone. She’s dead. I’ll never have her. But I wanted her. I still want her so badly that I’m in agony. I need to have her so I can move on. I need to get her out of my system. I've heard that this place can...that you have a way to make it happen, sort of."

Severus felt his face turn burning hot; it had to have been bright red again. And he sounded like an absolute git, he knew it. He sat and waited for Priscilla to laugh at him, or to call him a degenerate and toss him out.

Instead, she gave his hand a squeeze. “Stay right there,” she said, springing up from the couch and disappearing into the next room. He heard the clinking of glass, and she reappeared holding a small vial filled with a thick green liquid in her hand.

“This is a Doppelganger potion,” she explained. “Temporary and completely harmless when used in small quantities. If you take it while thinking of someone, the person who you’re actually with will, to your brain, become the one you’re thinking of. It only lasts an hour or so. It's one of our more popular offerings."

Severus looked at her wide-eyed. He'd heard that such potions were possible, but they could be extremely temperamental and it was generally considered bad practice to dabble in them so he hadn't bothered. He reckoned that “bad practice” didn't matter that much in a place like this one.

She gave him another one of her sly grins before turning serious. “As far as you were concerned, I’d be her. For an hour. But you must understand, it may not be the experience you want it to be. It will look like her, but it won't _be_ her. It will be, at best, a somewhat poor substitute. Whatever you’ve imagined her to be, she will be, but whatever you haven’t imagined might take you by surprise. You should consider this a satisfaction of your curiosity and nothing more. Do you understand?"

Severus let what she had said sink in. He knew she was right, he understood the ins and outs of potions, after all. A tiny voice somewhere in the back of his mind was screaming at him not to take _any_ potion from a place like this, but he ignored it. He believed that he needed this to happen, and besides, he hadn't found any evidence of anyone dying in here. And so, he nodded his head. "I understand."

She leaned in close and whispered a sum of money in his ear. It was not a small amount, but he could afford it. He nodded his head again. She then whispered to him the things they could do together that were permissible and the things that were off-limits. The latter was a much shorter list than the former. Everything he wanted from her was permissible. He looked at her and said, “Yes, I understand.” He reached in his pocket and handed her the agreed-upon sum. 

She counted it, withdrew her wand, and with a flick the money disappeared. She replaced her wand and looked at Severus again with her dark and friendly eyes. She reached up and brushed a piece of hair back from his forehead before putting her hand back in his and standing up. “Come on, love,” she said, brightly, “let’s go make ourselves comfortable.”

Once again, Severus was acting on some level of instinct as he felt himself rise to his feet and allowed her to lead him up the stairs.

The landing opened out into a corridor of several rooms, a couple of them with doors shut and signs showing that they were occupied. The rest sat unoccupied. Priscilla glanced over her shoulder at him as she led him down the corridor. “My room’s at the end. Nice and quiet down there,” she said, and gave him another wink. 

A woman emerged from one of the rooms and slowed down as she passed them. "Ooh, a young one. Lucky girl," she drawled, “he looks good from both sides.” He stared at his feet and felt himself go red again. 


	3. Chapter 3

They arrived at Priscilla's room, and she ushered him inside, closing the door behind them and uttering an incantation. “Silencing charm,” she said. “No one’ll be able to hear us from outside.”

Severus nodded his head. His heart had begun to pound in his chest and he was suddenly very nervous. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing; should he be undressing? He removed his coat and hung it on a hook on the back of the door, then kicked off his shoes and socks and stood there awkwardly. Where should he go? He looked around. The room was nicely sized, with an en suite bath, two upholstered chairs, and a large, soft bed at its center. The bed appeared to be freshly made and was clean, topped with an array of pillows. 

Priscilla stepped over to a dressing table and checked herself in the mirror, then picked up a bottle of perfume and misted herself lightly with it. She then turned and crossed over to the bed, gently setting the vial of Doppelganger potion on the nightstand. She took a seat at the end of the bed and patted the spot beside her, inviting Severus to sit.

He swallowed hard and did as he was told, staring at his lap.

He felt a gentle hand on his back and Priscilla leaned in and rubbed his shoulders. “Are you nervous, Severus?” she asked, gently.

Severus thought for a moment, then gave a small nod.

“That’s okay, love,” she said, sounding as though she genuinely meant it. “You’re in charge here. We’ll do as much or as little as you want. All right?” Severus felt himself relax a little, between her reassuring manner and the fact that she was still rubbing his back and it felt nice.

“Now,” she continued, producing a second vial of clear liquid from the pocket of her cloak. "Before we get started, this is the antidote to the Doppelganger potion. If you're ready to stop before the potion wears off, just drink this and it'll immediately reverse the effects."

Severus nodded his understanding.

“So, whenever you’re ready," she continued, "you’ll drink the potion and think of your lady, and it won’t take long until you see me as her. So, tell me how you’d like for this to start. Would you like to lie down? Or go and sit in the chairs? Whatever you want to do, love.”

Severus thought for a long moment on that as Priscilla rose and placed the bottle of antidote on the nightstand closest to him. It was actually quite nice just sitting there as they had been. So he said just that. “Could we sit here, as we were just now?” he asked.

“‘Course we can,” Priscilla said, reassuringly, and took her seat next to him again. 

“Would...would it be…” Severus started, but couldn’t make himself continue.

“Go on, Severus. Remember what I said, there’s nothing you can say that will shock me.”

“Would it be all right if I undressed you? After I drink the potion, that is. Or would you rather undress yourself?”

“Of course you can do it, darling. We can do anything except what I told you downstairs. Everything else is fine. No worries.” She cocked her head and smiled at him, giving him room to talk. After a moment, she sat up straight. “Are you ready?” she asked him.

Severus nodded, and she reached behind her and took the Doppelganger vial from the nightstand, uncapping it.

“Now, close your eyes,” she said, and Severus complied. He felt her press the vial into his hand. “Think of her,” she continued, and Severus nodded. 

“Now, drink,” she whispered, and he felt her hand slide away from him.

He took a deep breath and downed the vial. It tasted fine, mostly herbal. He felt it enter his stomach and there was a slight rumble as it made its way to his bloodstream. A few seconds later and he felt a pleasant warmth engulf his head. He felt himself relax.

“Open your eyes, Severus,” he heard a familiar voice say and he nearly jumped out of his skin. Lily’s voice. For real. Right beside him.

He opened his eyes and slowly turned his head, and there she was, just as she appeared in his dreams. Her hair formed a brilliant ginger halo around her head, and she beamed at him with sparkling green eyes. 

He nearly burst into tears, but thankfully he was able to remember that it wasn’t real. 

“You’re even more beautiful than I remember!” he blurted out, and tentatively reached out to touch her arm. 

She smiled and blushed a little. “That’s so nice of you to say, Severus. Thank you.” She took his hand and kissed it, and he was suddenly filled with a need so strong it was almost painful.

He pulled her to him and kissed her, letting out a moan when he felt her tongue flick against his lips. He opened them slightly and reciprocated, and brought his hand up to her cheek. She smelled so lovely and tasted even better, and he broke out of the kiss and pulled her into a tight hug. “I know you’re not really her, but...oh, Merlin...I’ve missed you, Lily. I wanted to die after that night, I truly did.” He held her tightly, and she held him, her fingertips gently stroking the back of his neck and then running slowly down his spine. 

That move made him shiver and awakened a desire so deep within him that he could barely stand it. He kissed her again and cupped her breast in his hand and it felt so wonderful, soft and supple, and she let out a soft moan as he did so. Her hand moved to his chest and he felt her begin to unbutton his shirt, her hand sliding underneath it to his bare flesh. She gently grazed his nipple with a fingertip and his breath caught in his throat. 

He kissed her hard and felt himself guiding her down to the bed. Soon, they were lying side by side and Severus was undoing the buttons on her cloak. 

“Oh, yes, Severus, please,” she whispered as the fabric fell away from her shoulders and she lay naked from the waist up beside him. Lightning-fast he wriggled out of his shirt and pulled her to him. The feeling of skin on skin was indescribable to him and now his cock was about to burst through his trousers. He pressed it against her and she uttered a very satisfied _“Mmmm_ ” as he did so. 

She pulled away slightly and her green eyes seemed to be drinking him in. She let her hand wander down his chest, over his stomach, and she teased at the waistband of his trousers, giving him that same, sly grin she always gave him in the dreams.

“You’ve got something I want,” she said, her lips curling into a smile. 

“As do you,” he replied. He reached over and undid the last of the buttons on her cloak and the garment slid over her hips and fell to the floor. She moved up to the pillows so she could lie properly on the bed and reclined on her back, her legs spread ever so slightly apart, the neat mass of ginger hair between them hiding her most intimate area from him. It was just as he imagined it.

Going on pure instinct now, he moved up and gently put his hands on her legs, pushing them apart, and coming to a rest between them. He could smell her and it was intoxicating. He felt her hands in his hair, gently pulling him to her, and he was happy to oblige.

She spread her legs wide and he used his hands to gently open her up the rest of the way and bury his face in her womanhood. It was the first time he had ever been that close and he realized that he wasn’t entirely sure what to do, so he kissed her just above her dripping opening. This elicited an intake of breath and a moan. He tasted her, and it was magnificent. He wanted it all, and he let his tongue explore her as her hands gently guided him to the places that made her moan the loudest. 

Her back arched into him and she breathlessly said his name. “Severus, please, please take me. I want you right now. So badly.”

He got up on his knees and fumbled with the buttons on his trousers. Finally, they came undone and he stood up quickly, hoping he didn’t look too awkward as he freed himself from the confines of his remaining garments. 

He had never been naked in front of anyone before and he froze for a second, his erection bouncing as the blood pulsed through his body. 

Lily held out her arms and motioned for him to come back to her, and he did. Gladly.

He fell into her arms and gathered her into his, pulling her close, wrapping himself around her. He wanted to feel every inch of her against his bare skin.

She shifted so she could wrap one of her legs around him, and positioned herself so that her pelvis was slightly above his. She began to move, her nest of ginger curls tickling the tip of his hard cock. It was the most beautiful agony he had ever felt and involuntarily he threw his head back and moaned.

She kissed his neck and pressed herself a little harder against him, allowing the head of his cock to part her womanhood and sample her warmth before pulling away again.

She whispered in his ear, "Is this what you want, Severus?" She pressed in again and he felt the tip of his cock brush against her inner lips. Just before he could slip inside her, she pulled back again. 

He gasped for air and his response came in ragged breaths."Yes...Lily. Ahhh--oh God yes--please, please!"

"Mmm...me too, Severus, I want you to have me properly, all of me." She pressed against him once more and ground down on him, rubbing herself along the length of his solid shaft but teasingly, at the last second before he could push himself into her, pulled away.

With that, Severus lost himself to the moment. He rolled on top of her and straddled her, pulling her under him, giving her a brief second to make herself comfortable. He moved backward and put his hands under her legs, spreading them wide and moving up into them. He fell into her then, and his cock missed its target. He lifted himself up slightly as he felt her hand move underneath him. Gently, slowly, she guided him to her entrance and then arched against him, removing her hand. 

The tip slid in, and he honest-to-Merlin screamed her name as instinct took over and he settled down into her, feeling every inch of himself sinking into her most intimate of places. She was wet and ready, and before he knew it he was thrusting and could not stop. He barely felt the fingernails raking up and down his back. Took no notice of her legs wrapping around his waist. She rocked her hips to his rhythm and every so often she'd squeeze her pussy around him as he sunk into her -- he noticed that bit because it felt simply divine.

He was sweating and grunting and doing his best to keep his eyes open so he could watch her beautiful body move underneath him, watch as her face began to flush, see her green eyes lock onto his as her chest heaved.

He buried his head in the crook of her shoulder then as his thrusts became more rhythmic and precise. His balls were throbbing and he felt them begin to tighten with his imminent release.

She wrapped her arms and legs around him and there was nothing else in the world but the two of them. 

She whispered in his ear, "You feel so good, Severus, this feels so good, I love it when you do this to me."

With that, his thrusts became so hard that the entire bed shook beneath them and he felt himself passing the point of no return. 

"Lily, oh Lily yes yes YES!"

She cried out under him and he pushed in hard, his release sending a tidal wave of convulsions through his body. A second, smaller wave hit, and he felt her shudder against him, a long moan escaping her lips. 

He collapsed onto her and caught his breath as his erection subsided and he naturally slid out of her. He gently rolled off of her and onto the other side of the bed. And, inexplicably, he began sobbing. He curled into a ball and turned away from her.

"Severus, tell me what you're thinking," she said from beside him, and he felt her shift next to him, her warm hand gently rubbing his shoulders again.

"Don't touch me!" he blurted and grabbed the bottle of antidote from the nightstand beside him. She quickly removed her hand as he uncapped the vial and drank it down. It had a bitter taste, but thankfully it worked as quickly as the original potion had. He immediately felt his head clear and collapsed back onto the mattress, taking deep breaths as the sobs subsided, still turned away from her, eyes closed.

Priscilla rose from the bed and he heard her utter a couple of cleaning spells. He heard the water running in the bathroom, then her footsteps approaching as she placed a glass on the nightstand beside him. He reckoned this meant that their time was over so he rubbed away the tears that had fallen, still not wanting to open his eyes. He couldn't face anyone right now. He was just about to get up when he felt her join him again on the mattress, and she threw a soft blanket over both of them. 

Severus peeked through one eye and saw that she'd left him a glass of water. He then glanced over his shoulder and felt a wave of relief when he saw Priscilla beside him and not... _her_. He couldn't bring himself to even think her name just then. She was gone. It was done, and he couldn't describe his feelings.

"Do you want to talk?" Priscilla asked, reaching over and brushing his cheek with her fingertips. "It's all right. Your reaction is actually a rather common one."

He was oddly comforted by that. He turned his head away from her again and spoke. "She's gone," he said, quietly.

"She is, love, and I'm sorry. But you know there's nothing that can be done to bring people back."

Priscilla placed a hand on his shoulder, and when he didn't pull away, she rubbed his back again and he felt himself relax. She began to gently knead the muscles in his upper back and neck. 

"Severus, I'm going to say something that I wouldn't ever say to any of my other clients. Are you listening?"

He nodded his head, still turned away from her as she continued to massage his shoulders.

"Nearly all of the men who request the Doppelganger potion do so out of anger. Out of bitterness or envy. And I can tell. For them, it has nothing to do with love for their imagined person. It's all about greed or hurt. And they make that known, physically.

"But you, darling...oh, my, you were so... _passionate_ , and it showed. You really did love her, didn't you?"

Severus let out a sigh and nodded his head again. 

Priscilla let out a sympathetic "aww" and he felt her hand fall away from him. "I truly am sorry that it didn't work out, Severus. But when you meet the next woman, well, she'll be quite the lucky one, if you love her like that."

Severus lay still for another second, wondering if the end of her touch meant that now it was time for him to leave. For the first time in months, he wasn't feeling quite so terrible; this was the first time he had talked to anyone about Lily, and he did feel as though some of the weight was off of his shoulders. He found himself craving just one more minute of human company. But, this was a business arrangement, he hadn't forgotten that. Just as he was about to leave the bed, Priscilla shifted and moved closer, draping an arm over his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder. 

"Got any plans for the evening?" she asked, her voice taking on a playful edge.

Severus felt his eyes go wide as she grazed her fingertips across his stomach.

"...Er...no…." Severus replied.

"It's not very often I get a young and energetic one," Priscilla continued. "Most of our customers are old, or dreadfully rude. It's a slow night, and I'll be bored if you go. Would you like to stay and play a little longer?" Her fingertips were making teasing circles around his navel now, and it gave him a pleasant, quivery sensation.

He twisted around to look at her. She was grinning at him and gave him a wink. "What do you say? You're still paid up," she said.

"Me?" he replied, incredulously. "You're not serious."

"Deadly serious," she replied, and her fingertips began to move downward, tickling the dark hair that grew there. "I could show you a trick or two, something to make your next lady friend scream for more."

Severus cursed his youth at that moment because her teasing had already invoked a reaction from his manhood, which in turn made Priscilla let out a mischievous cackle.

He decided not to allow himself the luxury of thinking, and he rolled over onto his back.


	4. Chapter 4

Priscilla smiled widely and threw back the blanket, revealing her still-nude body to him. Perhaps it was just his arousal interfering with his brain, but now that he got a good look at her, she really was quite attractive. Her breasts were full and her hips and bottom were appealingly curvy. 

He watched as she looked him up and down, her dark eyes glinting in the soft light. She reached over and rubbed his chest, pausing at a nipple and swirling gently with a fingertip. His breath caught again and his cock jumped. She giggled. "You like that, don't you."

He couldn't help but grin and inhale sharply as she gave the left nipple a little pinch. He felt the blood rushing to his hips again, and Priscilla grinned as she saw his cock stir. "Lots of men enjoy that. Don't be afraid to let your girlfriends know it." As though to drive her point home, she pinched it again, harder. It hurt a little that time, but not enough to soften his dick.

"Let me show you something," Priscilla finally said, abandoning his chest and nestling alongside him on her back, propping herself up on the pillows. She positioned her hips so they were toward him and let her knees fall open. She took his right hand and tugged at it, and he turned onto his left side, propping himself up on one elbow. She then placed his hand on the short, trimmed dark hair between her legs. Severus found himself happy to oblige this, and he shifted closer to get a better view.

She pushed gently against his hand and grinned at him, and he slowly let his fingers sink in between the soft folds of her womanhood. He slid it down and felt the silken inner lips, warm and moist. She then put her hand on top of his and guided him upwards a little, stopping when he felt a firm little fleshy bit at his fingertips.

"That little bit right there?" she said, and he looked at her and nodded. "That's the magic button for a lady, that is. It's very sensitive, but if you know how to tease it just right, you'll have her melting and screaming to have you."

She paused and removed her hand from his. "The secret is not to touch it directly, and to be gentle."

Severus pressed down toward it with his finger and rubbed it. Her legs twitched and her breath hitched. "Lighter touch, Severus. Lighter, like a feather," she instructed. 

He eased off until it seemed as though he were barely touching her, and she smiled and moaned. 

"Verrrry good," she purred. "Now rub in circles around it. Tickle around it. Remember, light like a feather. Tease it."

He tentatively traced a circle around it, then made zig-zagging motions on either side of it. Her legs spread wider and she sighed contentedly. 

"Perfect, Severus, oh, God…."

He made a "v" with his index and middle fingers and touched it to her gently, cradling the tiny mound in between them and making a jiggling motion. It seemed to be getting harder with his touch. Then it dawned on him; men had cocks that got hard when properly stimulated. This was the female equivalent.

Her back arched and she moaned. He eased off, uncertain if she meant for him to continue. She was breathing heavily, and suddenly his mind made another connection. When he was with "Lily" earlier, she had guided his head to this area….

He didn't wait for an invitation. He scooted down, spread her apart with his hands, and let his tongue take over for his fingers.

"Oh...God...Severus…." she gasped. "You're a _very_ good student."

She was moving her hips against him, and he could feel the sweat breaking out on her skin as he let his free hand roam over her abdomen.

Then, she grabbed his head and gently but firmly pulled him away. Before he could react, she roughly pushed him over onto his back and then moved down until her head was at his hips. He watched as her hand gently wrapped around his semi-hard cock and began to stroke it. As he expected, it wasn't long before he was rock solid again, and the next thing he knew, her head was over his groin and her lips were sliding over the tip of his cock. He watched her take almost his entire length into her mouth, and she did amazing things with her tongue as she slid back up, then down again, over and over. He closed his eyes and made involuntary sounds that he had no control over. He wanted to beg her not to stop, but it came out as some sort of growling moan.

She released him from her mouth and squeezed his shaft in her hand as her tongue found his balls, and the sensation of her warm mouth gently closing around them was indescribable.

She moaned against them, and it sent vibrations to his very core. Unable to control himself, he gasped and gritted his teeth to stifle an ecstatic scream. 

She then went up on her knees and fixed her eyes on his. She threw one leg over him, straddling his hips. She leaned forward and grabbed his wrists, pulling at them. "Sit up," she commanded, and he moved up onto the pillows until he was upright in an almost-seated position. She still had hold of his wrists and she guided them up over his head, pressing them against the headboard and effectively pinning him down.

He did not protest.

She lowered her hips and her cunt found the tip of his waiting cock. Slowly, she pressed down onto him, still pinning him down, her round breasts just inches from his face, and began to move her hips in ways that nearly drove him to insanity.

Back and forth; around in circles; grinding downward. And he could do nothing but lay back and watch her and feel her and it was amazing.

Her eyes were closed and she was biting her lower lip as she gyrated on him, and he so badly wanted to touch her, but her grip was tight on his wrists. He thought he understood; this was her using him for pleasure. She didn't care what he wanted this time. _How wonderful to be used,_ he thought. He was learning quite a lot tonight.

He realized that although his top half was pinned down, he could still move his lower half, so he tried it. He waited for her to press down, and at the same time he pushed up.

A gasp escaped her lips and she moaned. He caught her rhythm; if she pushed forward or backward, so did he. She moved her hips in a circle and she cried out when he pulled his hips back at a certain point. She kept going in circles and he kept pulling back, and each time he felt her tighten around him. She let go of his wrists and placed her hands on his chest, continuing the same rhythm. He didn't dare touch her. 

Her chest and face were flushing bright red now and she sat up straight, her back arched and thighs locked tight around his hips. Her pussy was clenching around him and pulling him in. 

She was breathing in gulps now, and as he pressed into her again, he felt her release explode throughout her entire body. The sensation of her pussy pulsing rapidly over his dick was amazing and he felt himself getting very close, but he willed himself not to finish. Her climax came in waves and finally she was still, relaxing down and gently easing off of him.

She glanced down, and seeing that he was still erect, looked at him apologetically, as though she realized she had made a mistake. Without saying a word, she moved to get back on top of him, but he gently grabbed her arm and shook his head, pulling her back down beside him.

"Watch me," he said, surprised by his boldness. "I … I want you to watch me do it."

He thought it was a silly request, and it sounded stupid to him when he said it, but her actions implied otherwise. She settled herself next to him. "Show me," she whispered."I want to see."

He reached down and wrapped his hand around his cock, still slick from her climax. He stroked slowly and pulled it hard. A grunt escaped his lips, and a soft "Mmmm" escaped hers. 

He stroked a little faster, and she shifted beside him. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her spread her legs and begin to rub herself in the spot she showed him earlier. Severus turned his head toward her, and she turned and met his gaze.

“I like that,” Severus said.

“Yeah?” she said, her nose crinkling as she smiled up at him.

“Yeah,” he replied, and they both went back to watching the other.

As he moved his hand faster, she moved hers in the same manner. "Severus, this is so sexy...I'm about to come again," she said in a breathy whisper.

Severus felt his balls tighten as she said that and he squeezed himself hard. "Do it," he gasped.

She rubbed herself furiously now, making gutteral moans as she gasped for air. "Oh God oh God oh Gooooodd" she cried out, and he saw her hips lift off the bed as her body shook beside him.

He stroked himself hard and fast and he glanced over to make sure she was watching. She was. His body tensed up and his release came, hot liquid dripping down his fist and onto his stomach. 

He relaxed down into the pillows and felt Priscilla do the same next to him. They both lay in silence for a moment, catching their breath. And then, a switch flipped inside of Severus. He felt like it was all finished. As though he could leave now and attempt to get on with life. He pulled away to get some space between them.

Priscilla seemed to understand his intention as she reached for her wand and did a quick spell to clean both of them up. She looked at him and smiled, then rose from the bed, retrieved her cloak from the floor and slid into it. 

Severus got up and gathered his clothes, dressing again in silence as Priscilla went to her dressing table and fixed her hair. 

When he was fully clothed, he looked at her. She once again seemed to be the woman who had greeted him at the door; somewhat aloof and looking a little tired.

"Thank you," he said, genuinely. "Everything was...it was, what I wanted."

"You're quite welcome, love," she replied. "And thank you for indulging me." She let out a sigh. "I needed that. You're really good fun, you are." She nudged his arm.

Severus glanced briefly at her and grinned, but didn't know what else to say. He was so used to compliments being nothing but thinly veiled teasing that he instinctively doubted her sincerity. 

She seemed to sense his unease, so she gave him one last, friendly smile, slid her arm into his and opened the door, ushering him out and walking with him down the corridor. They descended the stairs and found the sitting room still empty. She walked with him to the door and gave his arm a squeeze before letting go.

"Severus, I meant what I said earlier, about being passionate. Make sure your next lady friend appreciates that."

He nodded and bent slightly at the waist. "Good evening, Priscilla," he said, and the door opened for him as he turned toward it. 

"Good evening, Severus," she replied.

He walked out the door and turned to walk up the street. She trailed out after him and turned in the opposite direction, back to the dark corner of the house, and lit a cigarette.


	5. Chapter 5

The night air was cool and Severus decided to go for a walk rather than apparate straight home. He felt lighter somehow, and yet, the pain was still there. But it was a different pain now, put into its proper place, more easily kept separate from the rest of him. 

He found himself at an exit point from the magical district and slipped through it, out into Muggle London. He had worn conservative clothing, favoring an overcoat rather than a cloak, so he blended in with the others as they dashed along the sidewalks. He walked aimlessly for a while, taking in the sights and smells of an ordinary London night.

He turned a corner and saw the brightly lit marquee of a cinema: "CLASSIC MONSTER MADNESS AT MIDNITE! DRACULA - WOLFMAN - MUMMY TRIPLE FEATURE!" 

_"Severus, have you ever been to the cinema? I’ll find a good old spooky film. You’d love it."_

He ducked into a darkened alley, quickly withdrew his wand and his remaining money, and transfigured the coins into Muggle currency. He stepped back out onto the street and joined the queue at the cinema. He paid his admission, took a seat in the far corner of the theater, and found himself rather enjoying the gloom of the old black and white films. 

He did get lost in it, and for a few hours, he allowed himself to be in another place and put aside the one he was physically in. Contrary to what Lily had said, it wasn't just like magic, not really. But it was close enough.

Severus never would find that "next lady friend" that Priscilla had predicted. As the years passed, the situation with Dumbledore and the Death Eaters became increasingly complicated. Having any sort of close companionship was simply out of the question.

What he did have, though, was Priscilla. He became a regular client of hers, no potion necessary. He found that he enjoyed her company well enough. It was simply the easiest thing for him. 

Sometimes he only needed fifteen minutes with his trousers around his ankles and her flat on her back with her cloak pushed up to her waist. Other times he'd stay the night, and their only physical contact would be the comforting touch of her shoulder massages. And lots of other nights, they did everything else.

In another time, a world different from the current one, Severus could have properly loved Priscilla. As time passed and their relationship became more familiar, they each let small details about their lives slip out, and she and Severus weren't entirely unalike. As it was, however, she was Muggle-born, and if the Death Eaters were ever to find out about their dalliances, she'd surely be dead and his position greatly compromised.

In the final few years, when the Dark Lord became fully real again, Severus's visits with Priscilla stopped. It was too dangerous to risk being followed and seen associating with her. And then, he heard about the plans to begin rounding up the Muggle-borns.

An owl arrived for Priscilla late one night with a small parcel in its beak. She opened it, and inside was a one-way airline ticket to America, a passport with her photo on it that, to her eyes, looked completely genuine, and another envelope containing a fair sum of Muggle money.

A small sheaf of parchment was the final thing, and she unfolded it.

_P,  
_ _It's no longer safe for you here. Please take the enclosed and use them. Leave tonight. Perhaps when the time is right we will meet again. For now, take care of yourself._  
 _Fondly,  
_ _S_

She did as he instructed. Met a colorful group of people who were traveling around the United States, following their favorite band from city to city. They were kind. They liked her energy, they said. They didn't ask questions, and they were happy to have her join them. Time passed. The world eventually got back to normal, the visa on her passport expired, and she returned to England. 

She and Severus have not met again. 

Priscilla knows better than to go looking for him or to ask any questions. If he were still here, he would have found her by now. Still, whenever she sees a reserved, raven-haired gentleman, she smiles and thinks of the man who may have saved her life. She remembers Severus well.


End file.
